Let Children Cry to Communicate
- Category: Children
- Date 15-10-2000
- 413 views
“Beat him! Beat that silly child! Why on earth, should a child cry so bitterly as though he has been terribly hurt or beaten,” cries out a man, occupying a seat neighbouring that of the crying child’s mother on the bus.
“I wish such a nasty child was mine,” interjects another passenger, seemingly a mother herself, “I would beat him until he became sensible and stopped crying.” She further advised, “Beat him so that he cries for the right reason.”
The rest of the passengers are listening both to the crying child and to this panel of ‘judges’, with a mixture of disgust and interest. Judging from the way they brink, see and turn upon the child’s mother, the majority of the passengers are in favour of the execution of the sentence, handed down by the couple on the panel (the gentleman and lady) on whose nerves the crying of the child seems to have got. There is no doubt that if a referendum was held to determine the fate of the crying child, the electorate (save me) on the bus would have unanimously upheld the verdict reached by the due on the panel.
Perhaps the problem that has touched off the discontent among the passengers should be stated here. It is nothing more than the crying of an uncomfortable child on a Kampala bound bus. The young boy is aged two years, in my estimation. He and his mother board the bus from Rwashamaire, in Ntungamo, on their way to Mbarara. Virtually, the child opens a can of worms as he cries loudly until they leave the bus in Mbarara. By this point, his voice has turned hoarse. Interestingly, the crying stops as soon as the child is taken out of the bus.
The child has only been able to explain why he is uncomfortable, and therefore cred on the bus. He does not want to travel by bus; simple and clear. In between the bouts of crying, the boy, whose mother keeps referring to as Michael, repeatedly declares, “Let’s get out of the bus! I don’t want to travel by bus!!”
This apparent outrage infuriates the rest of the passengers. To them, this shows that the boy is stupid and dull. It is a sign that he will grow into a worthless person since he is already demonstrating the symptoms of a ne’er-do-well, because a chick that will grow into a cock is seen as soon as it has hatched. So the child should be beaten. One man, who proclaims himself as a celebrated disciplinarian in his village even points out that he cannot stand such hopeless behavior exhibited by such a child.
He stresses, “I would rather beat him to death; anyway what’s the use of having such a child? Nothing,” to which many others nod assent. It is a general consensus that the child should be beaten.
Yet, there remains one stubborn person who evidently does not respect the position of the majority. That is the mother of the condemned “criminal”; the crying child. The policeman that she is regarded to be, she appears reluctant, if not utterly opposed, to keep law and order on the bus. She is seen as the only person with legal and legitimate authority to put into practice whatever has been passed into law. Yet she looks on impotently as her child continues to violate “others’ rights”.
In fact, the more the boy cries, the more committed his mother appears to bring the crying spree to an end through peaceful means. She admonishes him, persuades and assures him that there is no danger in travelling by bus. That the boy does not yield to the mother’s admonitions depresses her sometimes, as she is seen, once in a while, looking the tearful child in the eyes and grimacing. But the other passengers express greater bitterness.
The question remains, however, whether children should be beaten because they have cried. Soon after its mother has delivered it, the baby cries. If it does not, complaints by its parents and attendants abound. A non-crying child is sometimes considered abnormal or ominous, especially at birth. It arouses fear, concern and uneasiness among the parents and relatives of a quiet child.
Therefore, crying in children is not only a normal trait. It is also a medium of communication. All of us have cried as children, if we ever were. At that time, we innocently cried because that was all we were capable of uttering, and we genuinely intended to communicate. If ever a positive response was accorded to us, it is now inconceivable, but we must have felt happy and fulfilled.
Another problem now is that as we grow away from age to age, our earlier experience keeps getting eroded from our minds although we may not realize this fact. Then when other people behave in the way similar to our former behavior, we tend to react aggressively, sometimes violently, to those who are born after us. What a shame!.
According to the fourth edition of “Pocket English Dictionary” (Reprinted 2000), “crying” means “calling for notice.” Even adults often cry, and when they do, they are releasing their sad feelings so that they may feel better. Usually, they want to arouse feelings of sympathy for them from other people. It is doubtful if it is justifiable that when adults cry, then they should be beaten. But then, if we believe that we should not be punished when we cry as adults, yet we know how else we can communicate our feelings without crying, it should be ridiculous to recommend that children should be punished and beaten for crying, as it is the only way for them to tell us that they are uncomfortable, One wonders how else we would advise children to inform their parents, caretakers and all of us that they are angry, hungry, afraid, sick or neglected!
The crying of children can indeed be disturbing and inconveniencing. They may not cry at the same time or for the same reason, and the rate and intensity of their crying may not be the same.
Some young children cry all night long, and the parents must spend sleepless nights. If they are employed and must go for work the next morning, I offer my prayers for them so that they do not sleep from the offices, gardens or machines.
Other children are appointed to cry at meal times. Then, their mothers must pick them up, walk about with them so that the crying melody, as if meant to entertain those at the table, could end. But it will be resumed as soon as the parent also resumes eating.
There are those children who must start crying when visitors are present. These ones hate the company of visitors and they cry for as long as visitors are staying in their house or compound. They interrupt all conversation between the parents and their visitors.
If the parents dare go out with their children for a party or any other gathering, it might be exciting, but some children might cry until they are returned home.
The list is endless. It is instructive to note that in the majority of cases, parents and other adults tend to react angrily when children cry. The reasons for such crying are not usuallyobvious, but they surely exist and are real, painfully real. Failure to understand is no reason to be violent, aggressive.
To react violently, in such cases is to be intolerant, naïve and sentimental. It is possible for us to communicate effectively, even with very young children. Sometimes, the children’s crying is intensified by the feelings of disgust and displeasure that we may vent on the young, innocent, delicate child. Unfortunately, these might be adopted by them without realizing it and then we see outrageous characters developing before our eyes, as they grow up.
Finally, the young, crying, children have always paid the price for their parents’ ill dispositions. For a multitude of reasons for which children cry, they are almost always beaten, rebuked and punished in all ways simply because adults have the audacity to punish with impunity.
About the author: Venansio Ahabwe is a teacher of Immaculate Heart S.S. Nyakibale in Rukungiri District. He is also a member of ANPPCAN (U) Chapter
By Venansio Ahabwe
Source: Child-Link Magazine