Men Should Celebrate More When Polygamy Is Outlawed
- Category: Gender
- Date 02-05-2010
- 916 views
In marriage, a man faces some degree of suffering but it is even worse in a polygamous marriage. A friend once said that marriage is the exact variance of happiness. The experience of one directly means the absence of the other, and hence ‘you are either happy or married’.
The Comrade has never been close to entering a polygamous marriage and has no experience whatsoever to draw from to discredit it. Given the level of familial conflicts we come across in the social spectrum, however, one can imagine that a man in a polygamous relationship is one to pity. Many a man in monogamous marriages would find it strenuous to impress their wives with material, social and emotional considerations. How a man in a polygamous relationship manages to ration his love, cash, presence, and other basics to make a happy, stable and durable marriage is quite a wonder.
In the normal course of things, men should be at the forefront of banning polygamy. It is them who bear the burden of fending for many women, and raising too many children borne of competing co-wives. There are other feminine and masculine issues we tend to sweep under the carpet but which we know can wear a man out and shorten his lifespan. A man should therefore not wait to be restrained by the law from taking a second, third, and forth wife.
The government of the republic of Malawi has drafted a law to penalise any man who marries more than one wife. Patricia Kaliati, the Minister of Gender, Women and Children Development says that polygamy is being outlawed mainly for two reasons: to help stop the growing spread of HIV and AIDS in the country and to ensure that each woman enjoyed her husband’s undivided love.
Hon Kaliati said that a polygamous husband as a rule will have among his wives a favourite one who takes the biggest chunk of his attention, leaving all the others to jostle the over the tiny balance. In a situation like this, abuse of women’s rights occurs, and can only be eliminated by abolishing polygamy. Supporters of this law are mainly women rights activists who praise it as a positive step in an effort to reduce the rampant scale of gender-based violence (GBV).
The new law stipulates that any man who marries an additional woman, well knowing that he has another wife will be liable to a jail sentence of five years without the option of a fine. However, men who already have more than three wives will be barred from marrying any other woman but will not be prosecuted for being polygamous since the law was not in place at the time when they entered the marriage contract.
At a religious ceremony in the capital Lilongwe, President Dr Bingu wa Mutharika, who recently wedded his sweetheart Callista Chimombo, asked, "How do you have more than one wife and be happy about it?" This is a question The Comrade would have asked if he too had the platform. But there is one other question that no one has asked so far: why is it women that are intensely working to abolish polygamy and sponsoring drastic laws against it?
The answer is that all the laws target men. The Malawian law, for instance would incriminate a man who knowingly marries a woman on top of the one he committed himself to, earlier. The same law is silent about a woman who knowingly enters a marriage contract with an already married man. At the same, if a woman abandons his husband and marries another man, that man will be accused of grabbing another man’s woman and it is the man to be penalised.
Where is justice? Where is a woman’s responsibility? When we talk of gender-based violence, rarely do we address issues that affect men, and some laws simply perpetrate injustice against them. The Malawian law should send both men and additional wives to the gallows – though care should be taken not to send them to same jail.
By Venansio Ahabwe
Source: The Comrade, The Guardian on Sunday