Paying Bride Price Is a Good Thing
- Category: Gender
- Date 20-12-2009
- 516 views
Women activists recently proposed that bride price should be abolished and non-refundable if previously paid. Accordingly, marriage should become absolutely free so that a boy and girl, while preparing to marry, would start from a clean slate; at an ‘equal footing’.
The women activists are barking the wrong tree, with many absurd reasons. It is not true for instance that bride price places a woman at the rank of a man’s property, to oblige her to succumb to the husband’s whims. All a woman needs is not to drop a husband but assertiveness to contain and engage him constructively. Without assertiveness, it does not matter whether bride price was paid or not.
Not every woman for whom nothing was paid as bride-price is ultimately happier in marriage than all for whom something was. Neither is every unmarried woman! It is simplistic to imagine that domestic violence can be prevented merely by abolishing the age-old custom of paying bride price. Hostility and discord in homes is such a natural tendency that if a woman lived with another in so intimate a relationship as a husband does with a wife - sharing everything from one’s body to a bed and roof, to other personal property and children - conflicts would not be less. Misunderstandings in all partnerships, marital or otherwise, are inevitable.
It has been said that bride price is a sign of devaluing the girl-child, as parents view their daughters as sellable products. Thus many girls are forced to drop out of school so that parents can earn early from them. This is purely unfounded. Not many parents have lamented about producing more boys than girls and therefore facing the risk poverty.
Bride price is a signal of a prospective husband’s potential to raise a prosperous family, and every woman wants this. It obliges a young man to work hard in preparation for starting a family like everyone does to embark on any essential undertaking. Instead of attacking it, activists should challenge girls to reciprocate with selfsame gifts during their weddings so that there is value from each side. Most girls walk into marriage empty-handed; yet boys and their families would be thrilled to receive gifts too.
Today, girls who do not like to be embarrassed for betrothing a man perceived as bankrupt tend to contribute secretly to the boys’ side. There is need for confidence-building for ladies to openly give presents to the boys’ family as an expression of love, trust and commitment. To men, bride price is always a sign of sacrifice and readiness to surrender whatever they treasure for the sake of the girl at hand. It is a full expression of the boy’s desire to take his bride at all costs.
Banning the tradition is not a solution, but modernising it is. The 1961 Dowry Prohibition Act in India did not prevent violence against brides who could not pay the dowries demanded of them due to ‘dowry inflation’.
By Venansio Ahabwe
Source: Peering Eye, Sunday Citizen